Register of Absolutions

Fol.	Particulars	Severity	Fee
S-0288	Doomscrolled for 2 hours before bed and wondered why you couldn't sleep		0.99 USD

The phone provided 900 distressing items in a row and you asked it for more. The mystery of the sleeplessness remains.

The phone provided 900 distressing items in a row and you asked it for more. The mystery of the sleeplessness remains.

Why 0.99 USD? This rate reflects emotional cleanup costs, repeat offense potential, and the administrative burden of issuing a very handsome absolution.

• Uniquely numbered certificate (landscape PDF)
• Entry in your Sinventory, synced across all devices
• Re-download forever
• Optional share-card with your name + cert ID for social
• Forfeiture of any remaining moral high ground

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Filed under Self-Inflicted. Back to the catalog