"Clipped fingernails at your desk"
There is a bathroom. It has a door. The door closes. You chose the open floor plan instead.
I. · The Catalog
371 redeemable indiscretions.
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"Billed your side hustle to company hours"
Technically you were at your desk. Technically your laptop was open. The Slack status said "In a meeting." The meeting was with your own ambitions.
"Took credit for a team effort in a one-on-one with your manager"
"I put together the deck." The deck had four authors. You were one of them. Your pronoun choice was an executive decision.
"Complained about a meeting in the meeting's own chat thread"
The channel was called #project-kickoff. You called the kickoff "pointless" in #project-kickoff. Nobody forgot.
"Set an out-of-office that provides no useful alternative contact"
"I'm away and will respond when I return." When? To what? Who covers you? The auto-reply has raised more questions than it answered.
"Narrated your screen share out loud in real time"
"So here I'm just going to... and then I'll just... okay so this is where..." We can see the screen. We have eyes. The running commentary was optional.
"Volunteered a colleague for something without asking them first"
"Sarah would be great for that." Sarah was not in the room. Sarah had a full calendar. Sarah found out via the calendar invite.
"Took forever in the one-stall bathroom"
You turned the only stall into a reservation-only venue.
"Left the bathroom looking like the aftermath of a bad Mexican dinner"
Your lunch checked out. The bathroom did not.
"Walked away from a printer jam you caused"
The printer jam is your legacy.
"Asked a "quick question" at 4:59 p.m."
A quick question with an overtime clause.
"Moved a meeting onto everyone’s lunch hour"
The calendar was open. The stomachs were not.