"Microwaved salmon in the break room"
The smell outlived your lunch. It outlived the afternoon. Some say it is still there.
I. · The Catalog
371 redeemable indiscretions.
Search by name, category, or severity. Updated weekly by people who care more than they should.
"Replied-all to a company-wide email by accident"
"Happy birthday Steve" - received by 3,400 colleagues who do not know Steve.
"Scheduled a meeting that could have been an email"
You have stolen 45 minutes from each of 6 people. That is 4.5 hours of human life, gone.
"Said "circling back" unironically"
You have circled back. You have taken synergy. You are the thing the parody always warned about.
"Took the last of the coffee and didn't start a new pot"
You drained the last drops and walked away clean. There is a word for people like you.
"Joined a Zoom call and immediately said "can everyone hear me?""
We can hear you. The green waveform is jumping. This is what the waveform is for.
"Left dishes in the sink with one small corner clean and called it "done""
That is not done. That is a drawing of done. Actual done requires soap.
"Printed a 30-page document to read two lines"
The tree would like a word.
"Had your mic on mute and passionately spoke for 45 seconds"
Your wisdom was delivered into a void. The void has no notes on it.
"Booked the small conference room for a 1-on-1 during crunch week"
Six people needed that room. It was just you and Kevin having a vibe check.
""Per my last email...""
Technically professional. Absolutely devastating. A surgical strike in 18 words or fewer.
"Brought extremely fragrant food to your desk"
It smelled wonderful to you. To your open-plan neighbors, it was an event.