"Ghosted the group chat for 90 days"
You returned with "lol so busy" and expected a parade. There was no parade.
The Catalog · All sins
Digital
Offenses committed on screens and in group chats: the unread message, the left conversation, the reply-all that reached the whole company. Absolve yourself, then mute the thread.
"Left someone on read for 6 hours, then liked their message"
You were there. You were always there. The "like" is a confession.
"Screen-recorded a story to screenshot it"
You constructed an elaborate multi-step workaround to defeat a single privacy feature. Respect. And shame.
"Sent "haha" with zero sincerity"
Haha. You didn't even haha. You just typed the letters "haha" like a sociopath.
"Used a selfie from 2019 as your profile picture"
That person is gone. We have moved on. Please update your photograph.
"Typed "..." and then sent nothing"
You raised hopes. You dashed them. You are a tease and a menace.
"Added someone on LinkedIn you have never met just for the number"
Your network is now 847 strangers and your college roommate who you also don't talk to.
"Opened a message and responded 11 days later with "just saw this!""
You saw it. We both know you saw it. The algorithm knows you saw it.
"Posted a vague-sadness status and replied "I'm fine" to every concerned comment"
You cast the line. You rejected every fish. You were not fine.
"Shared a meme to someone who sent you that exact meme last week"
The circle of digital life has consumed you.
"Sent a voice note longer than 3 minutes"
You had a podcast. You gave it to one person. They did not subscribe.
"Watched the first 4 seconds of a video then scrolled"
You gave it the barest possible chance, then abandoned it like a half-read menu.
"Read a text out loud to the person next to you without asking"
The sender chose their audience. You expanded it unilaterally. This is redistribution without consent.
"Changed the group chat name to something nobody else finds funny"
You laughed. You hit save. Seven people saw "💀🔥 Chaos Crew 🔥💀" and quietly reconsidered the friendship.
"Started a voice call without texting first"
No warning. No context. Just a ringing phone appearing out of the void like a summons. We don't do that anymore.
"Posted a gym selfie with an inspirational quote you didn't write"
Marcus Aurelius did not have a gym membership. He also did not caption his bicep photo with his own philosophy. You did both.
"Watched someone's entire Instagram story series and didn't respond"
They posted fourteen slides. You watched all fourteen. You tapped away at the end like a ghost at a film festival.
"Texted the final score to someone watching the game later"
The suspense was a shared resource. You spent it.
"Reacted to a three-year-old message while scrolling through someone's history"
The notification carried an archaeological date.
"Sent a question mark two minutes after your first message"
Two minutes later, the punctuation police arrived.
"Liked your own post and gave it a fire emoji"
The applause came from inside the account.
"Sent a screenshot of a conversation to a person in that conversation"
The screenshot found its original owner.
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