"Started a "dry January" and lasted until the first Friday"
The Friday arrived. So did the wine. So did a very flexible definition of "dry."
I. · The Catalog
371 redeemable indiscretions.
Search by name, category, or severity. Updated weekly by people who care more than they should.
"Left your holiday decorations up through February"
The tree is now a lifestyle choice. The needles have become part of your floor.
"Negligence"
You had potential. You had time. You had a truly impressive ability to do absolutely nothing with both.
"Neglect of Duty"
You had potential. You had time. You had a truly impressive ability to do absolutely nothing with both.
"Spiritual Negligence"
You had potential. You had time. You had a truly impressive ability to do absolutely nothing with both.
"Letting the Dog Bark All Day"
Fido has opinions about the mailman, the wind, and a leaf. You were inside with the windows shut. Your neighbors were not. The cosmos heard every single bark.
"Unsolicited Sermon Texts"
You were told 'I'm good, thanks.' You heard 'please send more.'
"Sent a Group Text"
One message. Forty-one replies. Zero of them for you.
"Told the hygienist you floss every day"
She looked at your gums, then at you, and both of you agreed to keep going with the appointment.
"Claimed you brush twice a day"
Once, in the morning, for nine seconds, mostly in the dark. "Twice" is a rounding error you have chosen to believe in.
"Booked the six-month cleaning 14 months late"
The receptionist said "it's been a while" with the warmth of a parole officer. She was being kind.
"Chewed ice like your molars were free"
Every crunch was a small deposit toward a future crown. The crown will cost more than the drink did.