"Talked extensively about a dream you had"
"And then the floor became a fish, but it was also my third grade teacher, and somehow we were late for something..." We were not there. We cannot be made to care.
I. · The Catalog
371 redeemable indiscretions.
Search by name, category, or severity. Updated weekly by people who care more than they should.
"Usury"
You had enough. Then you wanted more. Then more became the only thing.
"Watched someone's entire Instagram story series and didn't respond"
They posted fourteen slides. You watched all fourteen. You tapped away at the end like a ghost at a film festival.
"Appointed yourself grill commander over a fuel dispute"
The smoke was loud. So were the opinions.
"Drew a name for Secret Santa and spent exactly the minimum"
The gift was a mug. The mug had a logo. The logo was from a different company.
"Kleptomania"
It wasn't yours. You took it anyway. Simple arithmetic with very complicated spiritual consequences.
"Licentiousness"
You reduced a whole, complex, infinite human being to a physical craving.
"Narrated your screen share out loud in real time"
"So here I'm just going to... and then I'll just... okay so this is where..." We can see the screen. We have eyes. The running commentary was optional.
"Replied to a group email with "thanks!""
Seventeen people received your gratitude. Sixteen of them did not need it. None of them wanted it.
"Texted the final score to someone watching the game later"
The suspense was a shared resource. You spent it.
"Used your pet as a conversation exit strategy every single time"
"Oh I should actually get back, the dog..." The dog has been walked. The dog is asleep. The dog is being used as an alibi.
"Fornication"
You reduced a whole, complex, infinite human being to a physical craving.